My experiment in getting rejected for 100 days
Then finding love ...
10 years ago, I was feeling very stuck. Single, lonely, and feeling like my life was in a cage.
One day I woke up and decided I needed to shake it up. A friend had suggested to get over my extreme fear of rejections by deliberately talking to strangers and asking for ridiculous things. I immediately balked at the idea, horrified and convinced I would never do such a thing. Well, the day came where my life was no longer tolerable, and the pain of this idea was less than continuing to live in this cage of my own making.
So I started a group chat with some close friends, telling them I would do something to get myself rejected each day, and if I failed to get a “no”, they were free to suggest anything and I had to do it.
So off I went. The first few were the hardest. Like walking off a cliff. But I forced myself to do it, and when I did get the “no”, it felt like being dumped a bucket of cold water, but also a relief.
I asked a stranger to give me a hug. “No.”
I asked a food truck if I could cook with them. “No.”
I asked to announce the stops on the train. “No.”
I asked the stranger sitting next to me on the Caltrain for some of the food they were eating. “No.” Then I asked for their life story. “No.”
Then I had to sit next to them for another two, excruciatingly long stops, mortified and in utter embarrassment. But then I never felt so free and rocked the date I was going to!
I asked the grocery cart pusher:
> “Do you want this free ice cream?”
> “No, but do you have some weed? No? How about a cute sister?”
I asked a longboarder to try out his board. He showed me how!
I called some retirement homes if I could visit. 4 nos, 1 yes. Had some good chats with some lonely but wisened folks.
Eventually after 100 days of this it was finally over, and I was glad it was. As fun as it had become, I got tired of searching for yet another creative way to get rejected. I was, however, feeling more free than I ever had in my life. Nothing could hurt me anymore - the world was my playground.
Then on the 101st day, a stranger added me on Facebook. She was cute and we had some mutual friends. I didn’t think anything of it and we chatted. Some days later we met up for coffee, and eventually she became my first serious romantic partner.
I share this story after 10 years because it’s been bottled up inside and I’ve been wanting to share it. I’ve learned that people are all really wanting to connect, and that, the worst thing that can happen if you ask someone for something is they say “no”. But many times what can happen is a fun chat and spontaneous connection. And sometimes those connections can lead to bigger things ...
I share this now because I’ve found myself back in a cage. Living an inauthentic life. So today, I woke up and decided I need to shake it up again. Start by sharing some stories like I used to years ago. Open myself up again. Reconnect with friends and the world.
However crazy these stories come across - if it touches or inspires someone - why not share!
Oh, and credit for this idea goes to Jia Jiang who did a TED talk about this - he has many more crazy stories of serendipity. I actually ended up meeting him and we did a stint working on a mobile app together.
Some time later I asked a monk if I could park my car at his monastery’s parking lot and sleep there, as I was living in my car at the time. He said no, but they had a room opening and I could stay there. I ended up living there for a year!
Some pictures of spontaneous connections with many cool strangers, from asking a Harley-Davidson owner to meditate together (yes),
to taking a selfie with the train conductor without explanation (yes),
to traveling artists,
to Goose who loves ice cream and Hawaii.
