Farewells and New Beginnings
Farewells
With love in my heart, I bid you farewell, Big Island of Hawaii.
I came on a one-way ticket in December 2020 and stayed until now. I lived at five different eco-communities learning about the New Earth. It has been a beautiful journey of learning to love, forgive, soften, and be real.
The New Earth is a paradigm of living and creating based on collaboration vs extraction. Of right relationship with self, each other, and the land. Of listening and co-creating vs dominating and forcefully shaping. Of sharing based on trust and generosity, vs using and transacting. Of observing what’s already there and making the smallest changes needed, co-creating naturally self-sustaining and resilient systems with nature. Understanding that there are forces at play larger than what we think we know, and learning to tap into the intelligence of those larger systems with minimal disruption. Being willing to be with uncertainty vs trying to control everything, which often creates more problems.
I learned so much, made so many dear friends, and been broken open countless times in transformational workshops. I’ve also stepped into a leadership role and hosted retreats, created containers, and brought my learnings to others.
I let myself be a kid and play, enjoying the unending offerings of so many brothers and sisters who are so willing to experiment and share, and who are so supportive and kind. In our small tight-knit community it has been a haven, our own bubble of love and trust.
Song circles. 3x / week dances. Ukulele lessons. Men’s and women’s groups. Indigenous Hawaiian chants and prayers. Martial arts. Sweat lodges. Breathwork. Plant medicines. Drum circles. Clothing optional beaches. Ritual theatre. Improv. Intimacy workshops.
I’ve become a different person. One more generous, heart-centered, embodied, free and loving. In touch with a healthy sexuality. Expressive and willing to be boldly me.
And the time has come for me to move on, as I hear the song of a larger calling stirring from the depths of my soul.
You will forever be a part of me, Big Island. I will share your spirit wherever I go. To give without expectation, to love without strings, to take a deep breath to calm the mind, to feel my feelings, to love my body, and to express my most playful and authentic self.
Mahalo Āina.
Mahalo Ke Akua.
Mahalo Ohana.
Aloha!
New Beginnings
I died a death to an earlier self in an event that shook my bones and awakened my soul.
I didn’t want to keep going. It felt too difficult to get up again and face the challenges that lie ahead.
Yet I decided that if I am up to get up again, it is to live with a newfound purpose.
To no longer live being a helpless child, seeking the safety and attention of others, looking for something out there to complete me.
But to live with Soul Unleashed.
Let me share with you my new beginnings.
Bring intergenerational trauma healing to Asians
Though the war has ended, the famine over, and the revolution passed — the scars of these traumas live on in our bodies, passed on from our ancestors to us. The war continues raging in our minds, as the inner critic that shouts like a drill sergeant, relentlessly. The famine continues ravaging, as the scarcity mentality telling us we are never enough. And the revolution making us forget who we are, telling us to value things and status over our soul’s desires.
We are not just a model minority, here to conform to the dominant culture, striving for endless success in the socio-economic system. We are human beings with souls, too. With a unique culture and ancestry, wisdom and traditions. It is time we remember who we are and and take back our identities. Dare to speak up and share our truths. Dare to reveal what we really think and share who we really are.
This last year I have been creating a community of conscious Asians. We gathered for an in-person retreat in June, and it was a coming home for many of us who have been doing transformational work on our own. Finally finding each other, and having a safe space to share our unique experiences — the alienation that we feel in both the culture we come from and the culture we’re in — and to choose to step into an integrative wholeness that is a conscious choice of who we are.
This is just the start and there is so much more to come. I imagine a world of trauma-informed Asian parents who no longer pass on their pain. Who understand the impact of shame and choose to see innocence instead. Who can communicate from vulnerability, without blaming. Who can take care of themselves and respect healthy boundaries. Who can see and validate their children’s authentic selves, instead of forcing them to be someone to make them proud.
Continuum
Continuum is a somatic movement practice of deep surrender. Using breath, sound, and a deep listening, the body naturally unwinds in undulating and spiralling movements as it sculpts itself into prenatal embryonic forms. I learn to slow down and come to home to my sensual, fluid body. It is a soulful remembrance of our true natures — unconditioned, free, and radiantly alive. Not transcending but being right here — “waking down.”
I worry these words don’t make any sense to you. If they don’t, it’s all good — they didn’t to me at first. In an in-person retreat with Ajaya Sommers, I experienced for myself what this is all about, as I felt a natural flow take over my body and contort into shapes I didn’t know possible, moan with pleasure as orgasmic bliss floods my body, and sense the world as if for the first time in my life. Gone were the constant barrage of thoughts I didn’t even know was there — a cloud lifted, only now seen by its stark absence — as I stood by the cliffs of the stunningly quiet shore, empowered, embodied, present, and here.
Travel
The prophecy of The Eagle and The Condor is one of re-unification of heart and mind, with the Eagle of North America representing the mind, and the Condor of South America representing the heart.
I feel called to visit South America and learn from indigenous wisdom carriers. I will visit Peru in November for ceremony, and see where my heart takes me from there.